INT Part 2: Rite of Passage

   So far on the subject of intentionality I’ve covered two general themes. First, in my introduction I discussed how intentionality is an essential, and often overlooked aspect of how we interact in reality. Then, in Part 1 of this series I shared that intentionality in our own self-improvement most often means pursuing self-sacrifice to become a better person for those around us.            

   Any part of this series can be read as a standalone, but I suggest going back to review the introduction and Part 1 if you haven’t had a chance to read them. The links to both are below.

Introduction to Intentionality

Part 1: Intentionality in Our Own Lives

   Now let’s look into how we can bring intentionality into other’s lives and their personal development. Every living person is growing and changing. No matter their age, status, mental state, or any other factor, people are always developing their persona for better or worse.

   One of the most significant elements that factors into a person’s development and change, is the influence of the people around them. Most often this influence is subtle, and its effects are taken for granted. For example, a child who grows up in an entirely Mandarin speaking community, will learn to speak Mandarin. And a young person who spends most of their time with friends who love music, will most likely love music as well.

   These are not dramatic examples, but consider someone who experiences consistent abuse from men. That person will inevitably develop a fear, mistrust, or even hatred of men.

   I won’t dig too far into the “nature vs nurture” theme that is present here, but we must admit that the people in our lives heavily effect who we are becoming.

   We can, and should take this knowledge to heart. Even the smallest interactions we have with others has an effect on their life and developing persona. By making an effort to treat others with respect and kindness, we can actively influence their lives for the better. These influences don’t always have to be subtle however. Through intentionality, we can create much more significant events of growth and change in a person.

   Throughout history, every human culture has implemented forms of ritualism for various purposes. One of the most significant rituals found all over the world, is the practice of a Rite of Passage. A rite of passage is a traditional trial or ceremony for a young person to step into adulthood, and take their place as a functioning member of their community. These rituals require the intentional influence and action of the other members of that community. The men must test the boy, and proclaim him to be a man. The women must test the girl, and proclaim her to be a woman. While some of the ritualistic rites of passage observed throughout history were dark and dangerous, many more served a noble and effective purpose.

   While the modern world has for the most part abandoned the practice of rites of passage, there are many similar rituals we still take part in. Weddings, anniversaries, birthdays, holidays. These are all rituals celebrating a significant moment or new stage of life. Often however, they do not bear the significance of a rite of passage, because they often lack intentionality. We enjoy these rituals certainly, and they have significance regardless of how we approach them, but by going into them with intentionality we can find greater value.  

   I’ll use a birthday as an example. Birthdays are celebrations of another year gone by in a person’s life. When we’re children we can’t wait for our birthday. Being able to say that we’re a year older is a mark of great pride. Not to mention the older you get, the more you can do. You start high school, learn to drive, get your first job, become a legal adult, and perhaps go to college. For many however the charm of each birthday begins to diminish. The year I turned 21, a friend of mine made a somewhat depressing observation.

“At 21 you can buy beer, so the only thing you have to look forward to now is paying for your own healthcare and renting a car.”

   While I firmly believe that we all have much to look forward to, no matter our age, my friend was getting at the feeling of disappointment that there seem to be no definitive moments of transition after we reach adulthood. From here on out we have to figure things out on our own. The government isn’t going to tell us when we’ve reached new and significant stages in life, and it is rare that our family or friends will either. But what if they did?

   What I’m trying to propose, is that we can give each other an incredible gift through intentional positive ritual. By defining and celebrating stages of each other’s lives, we can offer each other guidance, confidence, and status.

   Here is an example of how you can create one of these moments in the life of someone:

On your anniversary, set aside a time to tell your partner exactly how you’ve seen them grow and develop over the past year. First and foremost a rite of passage is a celebration of the person, so aiming to encourage and cherish should be the focus. But it is also important that a new stage of life comes with new responsibilities. Tell your partner what kind of goals and achievements you hope to accomplish together, while pursuing the mentality that you are stepping up into something larger.

   This applies to all relationships. A parent to their child, a friend to a friend, a mentor to a student, an employer to their employee, all relationships need this kind of intentionality. By setting aside a time to reflect and project positively, we express to others our care for them, and our investment in their future. These events also don’t have to be pre-established celebrations such as birthdays, anniversaries, etc. In fact, by taking the initiative to intercede at an unexpected time shows greater intentionality and therefore has a greater impact.

   This is a short summary of a massive concept, so I hope you’ve gotten at least a piece of what I’m trying to communicate. As always I’d love to hear your feedback!  

Introduction to Intentionality

Part I “Intentionality in Our Own Lives”

Part II “Rite of Passage: Intentionality in Other’s Lives”

Part III “The Greater Good: Intentionality in the World”